Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
