She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
my poor anus
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
