I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
