I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
