U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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