Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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