i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
