I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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