Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
