New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
