I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
foreskin is a definite game changer
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
