What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
