Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize