There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
