Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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