I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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