he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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