I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize