8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
