It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
