I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
