Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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