did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Nicole vs. Life
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
