dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
