she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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