dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
