I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
