this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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