My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
