let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
