the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
