Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
