he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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