WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
