i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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