Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
