I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
