Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
he's single and there are thong briefs.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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