What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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