i can't believe i had my finger in that
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The air was thick with penises
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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