his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
