Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
