Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
