she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
did i walk over a car last night?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
