Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so that wasnt chicken after all
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
