come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
