I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
