I swear she didn't look like that last week.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
