dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
