This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
