My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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