update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Im part way to drunk.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
