I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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