the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
