ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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