Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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