nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
