Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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