we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
