Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
