I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
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This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
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I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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