i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
