Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
