I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
