I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
