Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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