break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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