You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize