I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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