two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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