Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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