Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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