My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
