haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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