Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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