I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
