Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
