I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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